Archive for the ‘post’ Category
Some shit in my stupid life….
This insomnia is killing me!, I can’t stop thinking of future, many voices inside my head keeps coming up, a huge step is ahead me, I don’t know If I took the right decision, it’s hard to go where all your friends are avoiding, it’s hard to say this is the right thing!.
The irony is everyone is telling me it’s good, you should do that from the 1st place, but if it’s that good why they didn’t go there.
It’s not like I had a choice, it’s mostly I have no choice except facing this experience, it’s just 1.5 year!, right? what could happen there!.
I don’t know!, but I’m going through feelings, like time is going so fast that I couldn’t do what I always wanted, but in the same time, I feel life is going deadly slow, that I just want to forward it to the point where I pack my stuff and go.
It’s hard here, I feel like it’s not my place, the community is built over different values of me, whether in love, in friendship or work!, it’s hard, it’s so complicated.
When I sit next to her, everything fades away!, wouldn’t be nice if all my life is about sitting next to her?, I don’t know why I love her, she just makes me feel quiet and peace, all the voices in my head settle and every things becomes clear, inside me I feel happy, I love life with her, she is life, yet I hate her lifestyle!.
She is with very shallow mind, reckless girl, she loves her self so much, she takes hours painting her little tiny foot fingers with roses and mini bright stars!, she likes to smoke like a machine!, yet she is so careful in which soap she should use for her skin!, everything is simple for her, she loves categorizing people, she has a buzzy voice, noisy and messy girl, she brings chaos where ever she goes, but I feel it’s like she brings colors to my life!.
But is this enough to love!, day after day I realize it’s us who we make love, feelings and emotions, it’s just we attach this chemical reactions to the sweetest person we imagine ourselves with.
How silly of me to try defining such a thing called love!, like I know everything.
Ahhhh, my moods today become positive and negative rapidly, I think it’s related to the March’s season, this spring, windy sunny rainy cloudy weather!, the month when I was born!.
God!, it’s been 25 years ago where I cried for the 1st time!, and I still wanna cry!, crying out loud, shame on me, men don’t cry, right?, well fuck them, I want to cry.
Maybe it’s a small desire reflected by the silent anger that is growing and growing, oh you don’t wanna know about this
It’s so khara to feel yourself blocked from inside out!, is it illusion to feel your inner self is so giant and so powerful, but from outside, you can’t translate this into real actions.
And what about Identity crisis too, shit this is the most pain in the ass problem with me, where is my fucking Identity?!.
Anyhow, I’m fully determine in smashing all the obstacles, just to see where this is going, I just want to know how every thing will end, I hope my end is good.
Enough practicing my English for today.
The urge to write.
The beauty of P2 theme is the temptation to post new posts, you just see this box in front of you and you just want to write something, it’s been so long since I wrote the last post in English, I feel like I’m losing it, I have a better reading skills rather than writing, but I think I have to practice more, hope this P2 theme will help me to do it.
I’ve met an old friend of mine yesterday, it’s been over two years since I saw him, it’s great to have such a great friends, I knew him since I was 14 [I feel I'm using the word since too much].
What I’m proud of my friend is all of them are honest, I don’t feel uncomfortable with them, I can say whatever I want whenever I want without the fear to be judged.
We had discussed many things, the future is the most of my fears, he wants to immigrate, the argument was about our professions, I told him I want to try my luck here before heading to far away place, my profession which is banks and insurance is so new to the country, it’s been 6 years only for the 1st private bank, maybe for him the situation is different, but for me I want to try my luck before going out.
I wish the luck for all my friends, I love them, and I’m so proud of them, weather they are here, or at some place far far away, they are all hardworking men and promising for a better future.
